The book is about really not giving a f**k about some issues because there is way too much stuff, so many opportunities, and so much to do, with so little time to do it all. If you decided to pay attention to all the rubbish flying around out there, you find out that you are spread out too thin, and you will achieve nothing in life. You will be so stressed out and have nothing to show for it at the end of the day. The author says that you should let somethings just slide and pay little or no attention to them. And focus on a few other things that you ought to, be selective to what you give your time and energy to. The things that are important to life and your future. And the things you decide to do must be the things you enjoy doing in the first place, as if you hate them, you will become bitter and end up hating yourself for doing them. You will be ineffective at it—the book is about knowing things you ought to pay attention to and others you should not.
This book was recommended to us in our WhatsApp group by our resident provocateur, who constantly challenges our accepted values or practices to get us to think deeper about them. Considering the title and it containing the word "F**K" at the end, I was a bit sceptical about it. But since I had the Blinkist app, a 15-minute summary, audible and kindle, I brought the book for a more detailed review. As after listening to the first few paragraphs, I realise it was a gold mine and wondered why I had not seen that before.
The book states that life is hard, and it is a struggle. Whatever you do, without a doubt, you will have to persevere. It is guaranteed that there would be setbacks, failures and adversity. You have to find the struggle that is right for you—something you really enjoy doing, as when and not if you work hard or throughout the night. You will not be undeterred by setbacks and grow to love them and see them as a challenge. What is your ultimate goal in life, what do you want to achieve in life and what you want to be remembered for? What is your legacy? If you decide on something vague and unspecific like "world peace" or "happiness", "good job", etc., these do not push you to strive for success.
The book states there is nothing to be gained for looking for an easy life without adversity. The only way you will get ahead is to find a goal and focus on it. The book also said that it important we set our goals and values right. If gave examples of two musicians that were kicked off their various bands at the brink of success, one of them, Dave Mustaine, determined to show his other band members - Metallica, that he was also a great musician, focused on his work and became very successful but was never happy, as the band he was kicked off was extremely successful. He continued to want to prove he was better and continue to measure his former band mates' success and compared his own with theirs. After being kicked off, The Beatles, the greatest band in history, the second musician, refocused his value system, got married, started a family, and continued as a musician. Still, in lesser bands, Peter Best lead a happy, fulfilled life for all intent and purposes. If you set the wrong values, you can never be happy as you will chasing what can never be caught. Some people set up pleasure as their priority in life. Drug addicts, adulterers and gluttons have this as their goals. Research has shown these are the most likely persons to be anxious and depressed. Another wrong value is material wealth, i.e. showing off the latest Rolex, flashy cars, clothes, jewellery, etc. Research also has shown once your basic needs are met, extra wealth does not increase happiness. How can we avoid the wrong values? These should be based on reality, helpful to society and have an immediate and controllable effect.
There is what is known as Manson's Law of avoidance. We tend to avoid anything that threatens our identity—the reason why amateur artist and writers avoid displaying their work. As they are terrified that people will not like it and destroy their dreams. In Buddhism and in some form of Christianity, we are taught that identity is an illusion, and they are merely mental constructs, hence not real, and we should not allow it to dictate our lives. Here free yourself and do not put yourself in a mental restrictive box. Free yourself from the constrain of culture and play plus laugh with the kids, have fun.
Accept your mistakes and insecurities; it is healthy to ask yourself from time to time, "was I wrong?". The book states that nobody is perfect, and we all get it wrong from time to time. It is only the insecure that like to claim that they are never ever wrong. Monitor yourself regularly and develop a healthy degree of scepticism. This will help you overcome the blind spots where you might think falsely that you are right. This might not be easy as it sounds, as these false beliefs easily hide our insecurities. Our constant review might reveal some uncomfortable hidden truths about ourselves. Romantic love can be dangerous, and if not well controlled, can lead to depression; romantic love can be healthy or unhealthy. An unhealthy one is when one uses romantic love to escape their own problems in their life. If one partner seeks to dominate the other or overstep boundaries or control the other.
Develop a positive mental attitude and live in the present and now. Forget about things that cause you pain and FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and learn to say "NO" from time to time. Live life to the fullest and contribute to the happiness of mankind, and if you cannot do everything .... the book suggests. "You should not give a F**K".
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