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How not to be proud

 


This is an excellent book for anyone who has faced a crisis or is planning to do anything with their life. It helps redirect the attention away from you and helps you look at the bigger picture, vision, or goal in life. This is one of the books I wish I had when going through the darkest periods of my personal life when I believed all hope was lost. It is not a positive spirit uplifting or elevating book, but rather a more practical, level-headed, pragmatic book. It helps you face your future with determination and refocus, and it helps you with examples of successes and failures to convince you that it is not all about you.

This book starts with a coat from Rainer Maria Rilke, an Austrian poet and novelist, which seems to set the book's general tone. 

"Do not believe that he who seeks to comfort you lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life has much difficulty and sadness and remains far behind yours. Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find those words".

For Ryan, the author, success could be said to come easy for him. He left school at nineteen, becoming the youngest executive at a Beverly Hills talent management agency. By twenty-one, he became a strategist for one of the hottest fashion brands in the world. He published his first book at twenty-five, which became an instant bestseller. A television studio option for the rights for his life and make it into a television show. But he says, "with success comes the temptation to tell oneself a story, to round the edges, to cut out your lucky breaks and add a certain mythology to it all". To which "your talent becomes your identity, and your accomplishment becomes your worth", and you the hero.

You create your own narrative of you alone against all odds, how you arrived with only two pounds or less in your pocket and, against all odds, made it. But he says this story is not accurate or helpful because he had conveniently left out his downs. When he was so sick that he was taken to the emergency room, the day he felt like quitting it all and told his boss he was going back to school. The girl of his dreams leaving him, stress at work, panic attacks and depression. The company he had helped build failed, bankruptcy, in debt of millions of dollars, and the founder was sacked by his own board of directors, leaving him with nothing but sleeping on a friend's couch. After researching and reading with the experience, he wrote this book not because he had attained a higher level of knowledge but because this is the book he wished he had read when he started his journey. One of the questions asks us why we do anything. We have missed the boat if it is for "people validation, rewards or recognition". It might be unappreciated or sabotaged, fail, or your expectations will not be met. We should redefine what actually gives us satisfaction, and we should do it for the effort, and we will not be disappointed if we are not thanked or rewarded.


He appears to be one deeply influenced by Stoic philosophy and likes coating the Stoic philosophers. Also, to answer the question about Ego, he found the answer in historical figures because they are timeless and universal. The historical figures did seem to fight their egos at every stage, and retelling them with this knowledge makes one see them differently. At the end of the book, his aim is to make you see less of your uniqueness or "being special" but being liberated to accomplish "world-changing work". Whether you are just starting, reaching your peak or slowing down at any stage, Ryan states, "your worst enemy already lives inside you: your ego." He believes in the destructive nature of Ego that he has had the message "Ego is the Enemy" tattooed on his inner forearm so that he is reminded of it every time he sees it. Whoever has "ambitions, talents, drives and potential to fulfil, ego comes with the territory". Not a Freudian type but "an unhealthy belief in our own importance". He states that the Ego prevents us from mastering a craft, working well with others, and building loyalty and support. It attracts enemies and errors. It prevents us from receiving sincere feedback and bloated with "self-confidence". One top performer said, "if you start believing in your own greatness, it is the death of creativity". I would put it in other terms that some people may understand, you have prepared and drank your own "Kool-Aid" and believed you are really the centre of the universe. It leads to arrogance, entitlement and a form of superiority, in which we believe everything is about us. He said we should avoid telling our own story as it is usually false, and it will get to our heads, where there is a lot of reverse engineering and fabrication. It sabotages our long-term goals and distracts us from attaining mastery of what we already know. Ryan gives examples of people positively impacted when they mastered their own Ego, Willian Tecumach Sherman, Katharine Graham, Jackie Robinson, Eleanor Roosevelt, George C Marshal, Dave Mustaine, Kirk Hammet, Belisarius, etc. But Steve Jobs and Kanye West, who might appear delusional, self-absorbed and disconnected, also did their best work when they fought against these flaws. 

The area that we might disagree on is the issue of talking, as I like to talk. But he believes that talking snaps out the energy of action. He gave the example of Upton Sinclair's California governorship race in 1934. While Sinclair was running for the governorship, he wrote, "I, Governor of California, ended Poverty". The book was a bestseller, but his campaign was a failure or disaster. Because in his mind, he had already won the governorship, why work on it? Even with social media constantly asking us, "what is on your mind". It is easier to talk about projects than to actually do them ourselves. Ryan believes that some people see silence as a sign of weakness. And one would, when your colleagues and friends are all talking about their companies, projects, etc., and they ask you, "what are you presently doing" and you return with silence, nothing. This can be embarrassing to us and to our egos. He believes that talking can drain your vital life, and you should be working and planning while others chatter away. He also said that people should not be passionate or what he describes as "unbridled enthusiasm". Dogs, God bless them, are passionate but are blessed with short-term memory that does make them realize their futility and impotence.

Robert Falcon Scott and his team reached the South Pole but failed to plan his return effectively and left their frozen bodies, along with his journal and research, as a testament to poor foresight and planning. Weeks behind Roald Amundsen, whose team had benefitted "from his careful preparation, good equipment, appropriate clothing, a simple primary task, an understanding of dogs and their handling, and the effective use of skis. In contrast to the misfortunes of Scott's team, Amundsen's trek proved relatively smooth and uneventful". Napoleon lost most of his men on his disastrous invasion of Russia, returned with a fraction of their number, and limped back to Paris. This was the start of his demise and showed all the other nations that he could be defeated, and they ganged up against him, leading to Waterloo, literally. He said that being passionate about something leads to uncontrolled emotions, which cannot deal with complex problems. He would instead want purpose with deliberation and consideration. He gave the example of Howard Hughes (the aviator), that had success at an early age that gave him millions that seemed to get into his head. He mismanaged all other endeavours, losing millions, building a plane that did not fly, a film that took too long to make, fighting lawyers, corruption and bankruptcy charges. He sent his last years as a recluse, rotting away in nearly complete isolation.

He divided the book into 3 parts Aspire, Success and Failure, and at each stage, the Ego is the enemy. It does affect you, and it can ruin you. You could fail when you aspire to greatness, and people see you as the next best thing. Your Ego can get into your head and make you fail. Instead of actually doing the job, you just talk about it on your blog, twit, message, Facebook, etc., everything except doing it. It makes you constantly want the approval of others. After success, you feel invulnerable, believing you are "masters of the universe". It invokes pride, "Whom the gods want to destroy, they call promising". Then you begin to take on more than you can achieve. It makes you lose focus and tries to attain the unattainable. There is a reason why people say, "Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely", because success does corrupt the soul, and no one is immune to it.

The Roman Emperors thought that they had it figured out. They had a slave whispering into the Emperor's ear, "Memento mori", to remind the Emperor that he is a man despite the adoring, praising and even worshipping crowd. Despite fighting the colonial powers, we see great African leaders become dictators and despots. From Kwame Nkrumah to Robert Mugabe, they believe they alone can fix their country's problems. It is believed that nations are born stoic and die epicurean. There is no way around it for most. We must work hard, delay our gratification and pass our Marshmallow test. Those who make it in all spheres of life are not the slackers, whatever people might tell you. Then finally, when we fail, Ego appears so that we don't lose face or bear any responsibility. Hence, we fail to learn from our mistakes as we put the problem or responsibility on others.

Then how do we keep our Ego in check? We should use the method of "plus, equal, minus", according to Frank Shamrock, the mixed martial art pioneer and winner of multiple champions. "to become great, we need someone better that they can learn from, someone lesser who they can teach and someone equal they can challenge themselves against. We should always be a student. Being a student is a lifelong commitment. That you have put on yourself that you will always be learning. Students will always be self-critical and self-motivated, always improving and reviewing their actions. The action of always taking feedback, especially harsh or critical feedback. Ryan says that we should "labour for negative feedback". Hence, we are not blocked from improving, identifying and correcting the errors. But experience has taught me that they are exemplary individuals who always love to criticize as this makes them look good (and they always like talking and never acting). Today, teachers are cheaper, and information is easier to achieve. Most of the hard stuff in coding (I work as a developer and analyst), I achieved online and free of charge, and I paid for others very cheaply. Many teachers do not even know they are teaching but offer critical information in the various groups online.

It pays not to be proud as it will eat you up from the inside, do not do anything for praise but for your sense of satisfaction. Be a constant learner, and always be humble as you never learn it all. Life's journey is not a sprint but a long marathon with no end in place until you die.

 







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